If you’re buying your first dildo, you’re probably unsure where to even begin. Look at any given sex toy retailer site that offers a half-decent selection and you are bound to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of dildos to choose from. Dildos that look like penises, rockets, or nothing at all. And of course then there are the factors of size and shape and affordability. After all, you don’t really want to drop more than $50 on your first dildo, since you may end up disliking the shape or growing out of it. If you’re starting out with extremely slender dildos there’s a better chance you will grow out of them and end up preferring larger items; if you’re starting out anywhere around 1.25″ or wider, then you may very well end up keeping it as a “warm-up” dildo.

My first dildo and vibrator were chosen in the Time Before Silicone, but were also not chosen by me. What I ended up receiving from my then-boyfriend were items I definitely wouldn’t have chosen for myself. They had realistic styling in clear, non-realistic TPR or PVC coloring. If you’re buying for someone else, make sure you can answer these important questions about them, with certainty. If you can’t then you need to buy with them, and not for them. If you’re buying for yourself then make sure you’re choosing a color and design that appeal to you vs something you think your partner would prefer, or, feel “less threatened” by.

Size

Choosing the size of your dildo should depend upon what has already been in your vagina/ass. Think about your most pleasurable sexual experience (solo or partnered) and what felt so good — was it the sensation of fullness, being stretched by something larger? Was it more about the zing of pleasure that came from the head of it stroking your g-spot (or prostate)? Take a look at a ruler. Actually look at how wide 1″, 1.5″, 2″ is on the ruler. It probably doesn’t yet mean much, right? Now, measure your carrots, cucumbers, or zucchini to get a good idea of how that linear width translates to circumference (but please don’t use them as a dildo). If you liked the feeling of fullness, then I’d suggest starting with a 1.5″ at the most. If your focus was on the object/cock hitting a certain feel-good spot, and especially if you’d not had experience with dildos/cocks, go for 1″ or 1.25″ diameter.

If you’re just starting out with penetration OR have medical issues that prevent penetration (or make penetration painful), consider getting a silicone dilator set to ease into things. SheVibe carries a Sinclair Institute set and individual ones from Fuze and Come As You Are has a full set of individual dilator dildos. However, a number of the dildos below come in small sizes with no texture and a uniform width (or at most, slightly tapered at the tip).

Material

For the love of Pete if you’re going to take any advice it’s this: no jelly, no rubber, no PVC, no cyberskin or UR3 or Futorotic or anything like that used in mid-range ultra-realistic dildos (they’re usually painted). They smell funny, they’re not very well made, some of those will have phthalates in them, and they’re porous so they can’t ever be shared or fully sanitized. I’d really like emphasize silicone. You can find cheaper options that are (usually) non-toxic if you choose TPR/TPE/Elastomer, but these are porous. Why should you care about non-porous vs porous? Why should you spend the money on silicone? Why should you care about the brand? In short, silicone can last a lifetime with minimal care; porous materials can harbor bacteria, mildew/mold, etc. Porous materials cannot ever be completely clean. They can actually make you sick if enough bad crap is making a home in the pores of the material. If you stick with brands that I and other reviewers trust, you’ll be sure to have a silicone dildo that is actually, truly, pure silicone.

Silicone comes in various densities and can be somewhat soft, very firm, or squishy. If you decide that the more common, firm silicone isn’t for you, then you’ll want to consider spending the money on a Tantus O2 style or Vixen Vixskin style. Vixskin is a little more plush, but Tantus O2 is a little more affordable. Even more affordable — introduced in 2015 — is Doc Johnson’s Truskyn silicone which I find to be a really nice dual-density. There’s also Blush Novelties with their Real Nude line.

If you decide you absolutely can’t get silicone right now, go for glass (while understanding the issues with cheap glass) or cover the dildo with a polyurethane condom. Porous materials like TPE/TPR are non-toxic but they are softened with mineral oil-based ingredients most of the time. Oil, as we know, isn’t compatible with a latex condom. And, if you do choose a porous material please keep an eye on it for discoloration, odd odors, and black dots. I recommend tossing it after 6 months use to be safe.

Shape and Features

For some reason, a lot of people split off into two very different camps when purchasing their first toys. One side runs to the cutesy child-toy-like items or “incognito” items. The other side will pick the most realistic dildos. It’s hard to get a very realistic dildo in something super small, but a few do exist like the Vixen Vixskin Spur.

Many people love the idea of a suction-cup base. This post lists out pretty much every silicone suction-cup dildo I’ve found.

Purchasing

I generally advise people to avoid Amazon and Ebay; counterfeit sex toys are definitely a thing, and you could get something that you think is silicone but is not. Some people have had good experiences buying from Amazon, but the risk of getting a fake sex toy is high enough that I advise you to avoid it.